Dear God

Top Ten Complaints of Week
1. Did not win lottery
2. My job has reached new levels of suckery
3. I am worried I am dying of a terrible disease
4. I drank coffee at 6:00 PM & will not sleep
5. Headache is actually brain tumor
6. I cannot fit under my bed to hide anymore
7. I do not have time to do nothing
8. My boss is the antichrist
9. Zit on left side of nose has reached volcano status
10. 170 mosquito bites which probably means West Nile Virus

DUDES AGAIN!!!

I decided to post again since I'm buzzed! Haaaaeeeyyyyyy!!!! (As my great friend and total hottie, Natasha always says)

I've made some very important changes in my life:

1. I've decided to listen to the "Pina Colada Song" everyday from here on out. I think that's important.
2. I will not make fun of my hairy neighbor anymore. Laser Hair Removal is a serious procedure and I will really try to not refer to him as Chubacca anymore.
3. I will continue to play the lottery in order to fufill my life dream of doing nothing everyday.
4. I will wear only designer clothes from now on, get anorexia and marry a Beastie Boy. I'm going to focus on Adam Horowitz. I realize he's married but I am too. I also realize he's Jewish and I'm Catholic. But I will convert. Seriously...Adam if your reading this....please call.

DUDES!

OK so Happy Saturday from the Hood! We just heard some gun shots about 2 houses down but don't worry, we're used to it! Anyway, we called the cops about a 2 hours ago & I'm quite sure they'll respond within a couple days.

So I know you've been asking yourself who was my first concert...right? Ok well...don't be jealous but it was ELO, in Lexington 1979!!!! Rupp Arena...and the band came down on stage on a hokey space ship and they rocked!!! Electric violins....get outta here!

Anyway, here's what's really sad...I saw them in 1992 at Coyote's in Louisville and the guitar player was trying to pick me up. I mean seriously...first of all, I was still pretty hot then but can't you do better? I mean, I hear your songs on like every other commercial. I guess you wanna know if I hit it? That's like asking if I'd hit my DAD, and I know this is Kentucky but NO! I like the elderly, but not in that way.

Major Crap Storm Lies Ahead

I hate my job. Why can't I be further along in my MLIS program? Maybe I can find something else soon. I'm trying to catch up with my classes. Enough whining. That's probably a relief to the zero amount of people who read my blog. Anyway, it sure is nice outside these days. I've been forcing myself to use my lunch hour by taking some great walks w/my bud Jenny. It's a great escape from Igor. She can't really go on walks with that leg dragging and I'm sure her hunchback bothers her.

Dear God,
Please let me win the lottery tonight.
Thanks,
Julia

Forecast: Warm & Sunny

I spent most of Monday under my office desk, rocking back & forth in fetal position waiting for the e-mail that would force me to report to my director's office where I would be tortured and put under hot lights. Guess what? Never happened. In fact I accidently crossed paths with the asst. director and she smiled & said, "Hey! How ya doin?" What the....? Then I realized that although I made a mistake I wasn't in trouble and Igor (my supervisor) was making the usual crap storm out of nothing again. Why do I let her get to me? Is it the bulging eyes? The half of eyebrow? The modified mullet? The way she drags one leg? I don't know.

On the brighter side of our destroyed city is that the weather is awesome, I slept great last night and my stomach is accepting solid foods again.

What to do during a hurricane in KY

I realize I'm a bit late in creating this but better late than never. Life has been insane. I officially detest my job as of last friday, when a candidate I made an offer to turned up with "Fugitive" on his record check along with 10 pages of other offenses including a felony. This person was lined up to be a Business Specialist for one of our financial departments. Needless to say, my supervisor (who resembles Igor from Young Frankenstein and is a female) dragged me into her office to inform me that the assistant director & director of HR (the dept. I work in) are highly p*ssed at me. Great. Just for future reference, sociopaths are really good at interviews. So I'm sitting here guzzling pepto bismol thinking about work tomorrow. If they fire me I hope it's early in the day so I can watch Springer.

My roof is officially dead thanks to the hurricane we had today.

OH....here's the good news of the day: I used my new bread machine today & made some rosemary olive oil bread. It's seriously good. And I made a pot of vegetable soup which is also easily digestible, which is all I'm requiring in food right now.